Thoughts on passing time

I seem to be writing about the subject of loss quite a bit lately. Be it people, time, love or innocence. All in some kind of horror context of course, c’mon, what else.  And in doing so, I found out a little more about myself, and here is what I discovered.

When I look back over my life, it almost appears to be one of two halves. There is a clear divide between the years leading up to when I reached 30, and the ones that stretch to where I now find myself. The distinction is so clear to me, that those earlier years seem like another life entirely, and one which is becoming more fragile as my memories become muddied from the hands of time, moving through the waters.

People I once loved have either become strangers or have faded away; places and events now so indistinct, I’m not sure they even existed, yet alone whether I frequented or experienced them.

Some of this is due to changes in my life; others, more to do with me being a different person to what I was in those earlier days. Gone is the boy who searched for dinosaur bones upon the beach and enjoyed cycling in the rain. In his place now sits a man. Practical and careful. One who has long forgotten the pleasure to be had in such simple things. Like a reptile, we change our skins and leave behind the ones we once were.  As a writer much more talented than me once said ‘’we are all our own graveyards. How right he was.

Now and again, I look at photographs of the boy I was and mourn his passing. He shall never come again, and in my own way, I miss him. I sit here wondering; when in years to come, whether I shall recall this time, this moment. A time when, for all accounts, I am content and happy. A time when those close to me are still around for me to touch.

I feel though, that this time will also join the others in that pool of memories. Thoughts drifting away, becoming fainter as they do so, like the ripples from a stone cast into the waters. No doubt the waters, in time, will call to me, and I shall have no choice but to enter them. Passing from being into memory; flesh into spirit, until finally I return home. To feel the touch of those whom I have loved, and thought forever lost to me.

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